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My father died yesterday

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 29, 2010, 5:25 PM


I know it's a horrible thing to just put into a subject like that, but I don't know how else I could possibly say...I have no idea what to do.

My father was a local icon here in Southern California, a celebrity in the area, as well as in Chicago...his hundreds of musician friends are going to be throwing a benefit to, in the words of any musician, "Blow out Tom!" - a huge blow out to say goodbye.

One of his best friends posted something beautiful, along with a picture - Click Here For The Post.

He's everywhere in this house - I don't know which way to look. The entire place was laid out for his comfort, even before he was sick, because he was...well, he was the loudest, and the easiest to piss off.

He was a self-proclaimed asshole and that Dennis Leary song was one of his favorites...but I loved him deeply, and I don't honestly have a clue what I'm going to do now.

He was out gigging about three months ago, before he started getting sick - his last performance was in April, the 14th - his 58th birthday.

The photos of Tom Stein are starting to flood in on Facebook - if you have an account and are logged in, you can see them in the Gallery.

I just redid my sub, but honestly, I don't know that any art right now will come out any good. I love you all and I'm sorry for my absence...but I've been dealing with his illness. And now I'm dealing with his death.

On a last note, when Greg Vail and Diana D'Itri were trying to drum up donations for us to help offset the hospital bills, she posted a video of my father playing in 1990, at a defunct, but iconic place called The Cafe Lido. He couldn't solo for shit - but he always made a valiant effort.

DA won't let me embed, so here's a link:

Tom Stein Cafe Lido

And downtime is nigh

Journal Entry: Sun May 30, 2010, 10:39 PM


I'm back from the hospital, and aside from getting the rant-y post off my front page, I'm pretty much just going to sleep and relax a bit before I go back tomorrow morning.

Happy birthday to :iconnyxgoldstone:! I am SO SORRY this happened over your birthday weekend, though I think we all kind of called it. Everyone send her birthday wishes and lots of love, because that's kind of her father in the hospital, too, and we're all very worried!

However, remember, she's turning 25 V2. Hear that? 25, v2. (also known as 28...shhhhhh)

Cancer

Journal Entry: Sun May 30, 2010, 4:24 AM


Warning: serious rant ahead, full of words that your grandmother does NOT appreciate.

____________________

My father was diagnosed yesterday morning with stage four cancer. It's in his lymph nodes, and absolutely covering his liver.

What's INFURIATING ME about this is that he's been in and out of hospitals since NOVEMBER. First, they said pancreatitus. Then they said that was GONE, and now he had a bleeding ulcer.

In the last six weeks, he's spent less than five days at a time home. The bleeding ulcer perforated a major artery and he almost bled out.

THREE hospitals now have kicked him out because they said he was demanding too much pain medication, that there was no reason for him to need it, and they all but called him a drug addict, and they DID all throw him out.

Now, he has a history of drug use, so they had their reasons. However, these people not ONCE thought "hmmm...he's FUCKING YELLOW! Maybe we should look at that liver of his..."

Last week we got a new GI assigned to us through MSI and after he ran some tests, and backpedaled (while apologizing for also, yes, calling my father a drug addict) he said that the jaundice was because of blocked bile ducts and he was going to get them cleaned out.

They biopsied the masses, which NO ONE ELSE had bothered to do.

And yes. Under their FUCKING NOSES, the 'drug addict" had been dealing with CANCER racing through his system like GODDAMNED WILDFIRE.

It's stage four, it's innoperable - and apparently it's TOO LATE for either chemo or radiation. It's COVERING his liver COMPLETELY. That is why he's yellow. Because his LIVER is A MASS OF CANCER. And it's spreading through his body through his lymph nodes.

My father started throwing up at about ten PM, friday night, the same day that the cancer was finally discovered. He lost his food, then the bile/blood combination started coming up and didn't stop. He spent a full 24 hours doing so before the fucking doctors did what my mother had been asking them to do all day, and finally ended the vomiting. However, therefore, his vocal chords are now shot, his throat is stripped bare, and he's incapable of talking anyway, because of the tube down his throat.

This cancer started in NOVEMBER. They had PLENTY of time to catch it, we've been at that hospital more than we've been HOME.

And they didn't see a damn thing until it was too late. And it is...it's too late for chemo, for radiation, or for the homeopathic cure - we have an ND who has CURED CANCER...and it's. Too. LATE. Nothing will kick in fast enough. Nothing will do any good now.

These people have killed my father...and I am so furious I cannot speak. Because if I'm NOT furious, I think I'll break into tiny little pieces.

Now, I admit - I'm posting this at four thirty in the morning, having just spent a full 48 hours at the hospital. My mind is not clear and he'd probably be pissed if he knew I was posting it anyway.

But to be honest, I needed to vent and no one's up for me to do it at. And it's not like he's going to be at a computer to yell at me anytime soon. If he IS, I will be so thrilled it won't MATTER how angry he is at me.

He won't be. They waited too long, they fucked around too much - from ignoring obvious symptoms to avoiding doing full surgery...he almost bled out, he's a neon yellow, he's writhing in constant pain. The doctors are all backpedaling NOW, sure.

Let them backpedal. Let them save his life. Because if they don't, I'm going to bury my pain the old-fashioned way - I'm going to sue their motherfucking legs off.

A slight discussion of DA

Journal Entry: Mon May 24, 2010, 6:13 PM


So, there's a ton of new features that have rendered all that extra coding in one's journal completely obsolete. And yes, I know I'm SERIOUSLY late to this party, but dude...DAMN.

OK, so I'm now playing with the features, etc. And I come across a clubs gadget. And I realize, "Huh, they added clubs, like all official-like! COOL!" and so I go through my clubs from an old journal, to rejoin 'em in the new style, etc.

I have therefore learned that all my clubs, but THREE, are gone. Like, they never converted over, and they haven't posted in almost as long as I have, if not longer.

SO!!! I need new clubs. Anyone who knows my art know of a few good ones I can join? I'd be very appreciative if you did!

ALSO!!!!

Yeah, I posted a new stamp. DA's being a bitch about the file formats, so they're just going to have to stay in scraps, despite the fact that I could now add 'em to a collection in my gallery, but whatever.

I'm a trekkie. Here, have a trekkie stamp:

Live Long And Die by trinitylast

NOTE!

I've changed my avatar, and let me explain why:

I'm kind of tired of the flashing light on my screen. I'm having optical issues, and the least I can do is cut down on the problem for my OWN stuff. Therefore, you're getting a 'stamped' version of the avatar I use EVERYWHERE ELSE on the 'net these days.

Those of you who think the style looks familiar, long ago and far away, I made a similar avatar as a contest prize for MistressRhia:

:iconmistressrhia:

See? :p Same deal, only mine's static, and that makes me happy. Have a nice night y'all!

  • Listening to: The Golden Age Of Video (youtube! You'll LOVE IT!)
  • Reading: Uglies by Scott Westerfield
  • Watching: Two and A Half Men reruns on Megavideo
  • Playing: World of Warcraft, Wrath of the Lich King
  • Eating: Butter Toffee caramel clusters
  • Drinking: Homemade iced mocha

I'm back!

Journal Entry: Wed May 19, 2010, 11:39 AM


Look, subscription and all!!

Obviously, I still have to spend...uh...hours/days/weeks putting back all the features I had (stamps, etc) but, lookie! My journal's back!

Crappy art is being made as we speak, people! :p Look for it to be uploaded this weekend!

-does a dance- Life is good, life is good, I has DA again, life is good!!

But that gives me time to make a new CSS layout of my OWN so that my page can look oh, so much better. I'm thinking of theming the whole page - new avatar, new everything. It'll be cool.

In other news, the logo I made, trinitylast.deviantart.com/art… seems a bit too. Way too popular. What's with all the favorites, guys? It wasn't that great.

Not that I'm complaining. But dude.

Either way, I'm hoping there will be new art up soon. Life is turning 'round. I've decided.

I mean it. -nods- Money is on it's way!

And on one last note - this is NaNoWriMo! That's National Novel Writing Month to you. Find your local write-in at Nanowrimo.org!!!
I'm not happy, though. I seem to have lost my circle of friends in the last year or so, as money got tight and we struggled to pay rent.

Now we're alright again, and I look around and notice - I haven't been creating art, writing fan fiction, talking to anyone...I'm looking at facebook, a fairly good judge of who my current circle includes, and I'm seeing...no one I used to love spending time with.

My ex-girlfriend aside, that upsets me greatly.

If you're still around, let me know! Let's talk. I miss you guys.
My sub's been out for a while. We're back on our feet as far as most bills go, but DA is, alas, not one of the things paid for yet.

Thus, my stamps are gone for the moment. as is my pretty CSS, etc, etc, etc. Sadness.

However, it'll be back!

If you want to follow me in my weirdness, I'm twittering now:

www.twitter.com/trinitylast

Also, I'm doing strange things lately, but with luck, I will soon be back in a place where I have time for my art.

Please, dear god, let me have time for my art again.
My sub's been out for a while. We're back on our feet as far as most bills go, but DA is, alas, not one of the things paid for yet.

Thus, my stamps are gone for the moment. as is my pretty CSS, etc, etc, etc. Sadness.

However, it'll be back!

If you want to follow me in my weirdness, I'm twittering now:

www.twitter.com/trinitylast

Also, I'm doing strange things lately, but with luck, I will soon be back in a place where I have time for my art.

Please, dear god, let me have time for my art again.

A Plea For Help (PLEASE read)

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 31, 2009, 10:18 AM



OK, here's the deal. If I don't come up with about $900 by early, and I mean, like Monday or Tuesday, of this coming week, both our electricity and gas will be shut off.

Which, obviously, means no lights, no heat, no stove, no oven, and no computers which is what our home business is run off of to start with.

If you can possibly help at ALL, please, please, please, PLEASE do.

You can donate via paypal to trinitylast@gmail.com

Or you can sign up for one of these classes - we figured out that if we get five students in this weekend, we can stay afloat for another month.

Please, seriously, I'm begging.

And obviously, if you don't seem me for a while, you now know the reason. Yeah, laptops work on battery, but pretty much once the battery's dead, I'm toast.



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Couple things

Journal Entry: Sat Dec 27, 2008, 2:12 PM



Just a few things, here:

A) Apparently, I've eaten over a thousand brains. Thank you to all the donors who helped me get this far! I couldn't have done it without the little people.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here: kevan.org/brain.cgi?TrinityLas…


B) I have joined Facebook, and I really hate that I can't invite or friend DA peoples who are also on facebook. Thus, if you want to friend me on facebook, please go here: www.facebook.com/profile.php?i…

Or search for Lona Nicholle.


C) I was arting, and I seem to have stopped. This bothers me, and I would like to fix this, so I'll be posting crap until I do something good.


D) Now I AM asking for donations. I'm sorry I have to ask, but we're now two months behind in rent, and while my landlord is forgiving, she's not THAT forgiving.

Now, PayPal button no worky on DA, which is annoying. But I have a paypal account, verified and everything. So if you're interested in donating, my email through paypal is

trinitylast@gmail.com

Thank you ahead of time for whatever you can send.

And again, I'm sorry I had to ask. The rent here is as low as we can get in this area, which is where our business is, and while we usually struggle, we've always made it before. It doesn't look like we're making it now.



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Shamefull begging

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 25, 2008, 9:45 PM



I'm just finishing up a semester of school! It's exciting!

Except that I haven't paid the tuition for it yet. And another semester is coming.

To that end, I am officially, to my chagrin, asking you to go take a look at my prints store. There's a nice holiday print up that's available in coasters, mugs, mousepads, all sorts of stuffs that you can give away or keep or hang or whatever.

And you have a spare $15 a month, you might check out www.readaswritten.com (ReadAsWritten.com) because it's a great project, 20% goes to charity, and the rest pays my mom to write the book and, y'know, keep this roof over my head and stuff.

I know the economy's in the toilet, but I was ALREADY scrambling for tuition, my mom was already sick, and my father was already mentally ill. It's only gotten WORSE lately, and while I hate begging, I really do need to ask you all for help.

I have some nice prints up, I'm not asking for donations or anything. Just if you see something you like, maybe buy it and help a struggling family out this holiday season.

Thanks even if you don't. Promise this is the only journal in which I'll beg like this.



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Ghostwriters have traditionally written in secret. The Ghost writes the book, the Author takes the credit, the Ghost disappears into the fabric of society supposedly never to be heard from again.

The draw of Ghostwriting is that you get paid to write the book, whether or not it sells or gets published. The draw of hiring a Ghost is that your book will be well written, put together professionally, and sound just like you. PHDs use Ghostwriters to put together breakthrough books from their notes. The PHD takes notes, puts together ideas, and hands it all over to the Ghost, who turns it all into a book. Fiction Authors use Ghostwriters to either clean up their already written manuscripts, or they hand the Ghost their ideas, and the Ghost writes an entire book based on the novel idea, prompts, and/or interviews.

When all is said and done, the Ghost disappears, the Author's name goes on the book alone, and he or she has a completed book that no one will ever know they did not write personally. At least, that's how it's always worked before.

Today, one of the industry's top Ghostwriters is breaking all these rules.

Claudia Suzanne, with over one hundred books to her credit, is working on a new project with her current client, and they're taking Ghostwriting to new, taboo levels. They are Ghosting the book in public.

ReadAsWritten.com is a new membership website that allows the general public to watch as an Author and a Ghost work together to create a new book. You will see the prompt or idea that the Author has for the newest chapter, and see as the Ghost writes the chapter, completely, from that prompt. As the Author and Ghost discuss the chapter, change things and revise each chapter, every comment, rebuttal, argument and decision will be posted, along with the original chapter and any revisions. You will be able to respond to each thing posted with your own comments and opinions.

You can watch the book go from conception to completion, influence the plot and characters, and at the same time, witness the process between Ghost and Author that has until this moment, remained a secret locked behind closed doors.

The site breaks every taboo in the industry. Every argument and story change will be posted for comment, every revision of each chapter will be available for review. It's a Masters Class in novel writing and a chance to influence the Author and Ghost of a book that may eventually be made into a major motion picture.

In the US today, 81% of the population believe they have a book inside just screaming to get out. For $14.95 a month, ReadAsWritten.com is a unique opportunity to gain first-hand experience and knowledge of a competitive industry.

www.readaswritten.com

OK, here I am!

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 17, 2008, 6:05 PM



This. Semester. Has kicked. My. ASS.

But I'm back! Seriously, I'm actually back. Making art and everything. I finally got my collection of stock moved onto the laptop that I drag everywhere, and my phone is modeming for my much better, so I'm online, I'm making stuff, and there should be a new piece, a REAL PIECE, up from me today.

None of this interface for my final project shit.

Anyway, hope y'all are having a nice time.

Did anyone miss me? :p




ALSO! Check this out, please.

news.deviantart.com/article/62…



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OBAMA WON!!

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 4, 2008, 8:20 PM



I cannot shake your screen in my joy!! I AM SAD ABOUT THAT!!

BUT OBAMA WON!!!!

Stay tuned for stamp.



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WOW....

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 1, 2008, 1:20 AM



I haven't posted anything remotely good for almost a year.

So here's the question:

HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE FINDING ME!?

EVERY time I get online I have a dozen comments and twice as many favorites. Most, sometimes all, are for stamps...but some are for actual art. And I'm just...really confused. How. Are. You. People. Finding me?!

DAMN I miss this site. I wish I had time to devote to it again...and my art. I do, still, LIKE ART, you know.

Do I even still have any watchers out there anymore?

-shouted- HELLO!?

-echoes-

Damnit.



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Back in school

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 5, 2008, 3:25 AM



And therefore, at least I'm moving around more, and while it seriously hurts my back, I'm healing enough that I can use the mouse, so I'm making stuff again.

Albeit, very, VERY strange stuff. I mean, who designs fantasy hand-held devices? Only someone as bored and weird as I am.

Either way, I'm here, I'm getting better, and so I'll be around more. Yay!



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:iconnyxgoldstone: :icontygerwolfe: :iconsalinah20: :iconkataskyfox:

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:iconlessthanhuman: :iconthefelinecanine: :icondolphydolphiana: :iconmmebuterfly:

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I'm not dead

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 20, 2008, 9:57 PM



Some people noticed that I've been off DA for a while. Yes, I haev a reason, no, it's not a pleasant one.

I was in a car accident. Huge amounts of bruising across my collarbone and shoulder, abrasions all over my abdomen and a fractured L2 have made it hard to art or really be on the computer for long lengths of time.

I'll keep you all updated as I heal. I can't quite use the mouse yet and the touchpad on this laptop is driving me insane, though. :p Just keep that in mind.

Have a nice night, all.



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I need opinions please

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 17, 2008, 2:20 PM



I know I don't post a lot, and I haven't been around much. The money issue in this house is outrageous right now - too many emergency expenses, like cars and hospital bills, not enough flow IN.

Our company is teaming up with another group and we're putting together a project. We need some opinions before the site goes live. So if y'all could take a quick trip to a poll we have up and give some input, that would help a great deal.

Thank you VERY much. It really does help a lot.

Here's the link:  nyxgoldstone.livejournal.com/2…



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OMG - a GOOD free MMORPG!

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 25, 2008, 9:48 PM



Just putting it out there. It's called Luminary, and you can play it here:
luminary.ijji.com/

You create yourself an account on the site, then a character in-game.

It's free, and it's awesome! :D The interface is a bit unconventional, but easy, and it's SO addictive.

And, hey, if you sign up, I'm collecting recommendation points, so use me when it asks you who your sponsor is? :p My character name is "Kaylia"

Seriously. Use me. sponsor. That's me. :D




Yeah, it was kind of an ad for the game.  But it IS addicting, and I'd really like to play with a huge group - we're looking to take over a town when one becomes available, and for that, we need a LOT of people. Come take over a town with us! :D



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